When I see a vampire cry
by JulyPie
Summary: In New Moon, Edwards family would not support him but rather whine at him and commit comical acts to change his mind. Because face it with Emmett and Alice in the family you know there's gonna be some antics. Started as just humour but some angst snuck in


Edward sat in a corner, brooding, as he was wont to do at this time in his life. And he was doing a great job at making everyone else miserable; because he had completely ignored the fact that maybe the rest of his family missed Bella as well.

Instead of his family being supportive of his decision and leaving him to mourn in peace, they decided to whine. Edward heard the voices of his family all day reminding him of the reason they had left Forks:

"I liked the thought of six children, a nice even number" Esme's inner voice sighed wistfully

"She was always so polite, and it was certainly nice to see Edward so happy" Of course Carlisle's thoughts would be filled with the woes of his family rather than the own unhappiness he felt at losing a daughter.

A tinkling voice thought of shopping trips and a mortal girl being forcibly taken on them "Shopping for yourself just isn't as fun"

"Life sure is a lot duller without someone falling over stuff all day" Emmett smiled as he recalled fondly of the number of times Bella had tripped over something, due to his perfectly graceful family, he had forgotten the simple humour of someone falling over.

"Despite her stupidity, and obvious bad taste in men, I didn't completely despise her" that was the best Rosalie could muster

"Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why is it so hard for me? I can keep everyone else so calm yet I can't prevent myself from attacking my own sister"

"Shut up all of you" Edward said sternly. Six heads turned up to look at him. Edward turned to Rosalie first

"Don't ever call her stupid again" he turned to Carlisle "Being polite only gets you so far, her good manners never kept her safe, and if I have to be miserable so be it" he now addressed each Cullen in turn, giving a rebuttal for each of their thoughts "She's not your Barbie, she's not you're clown, or your daughter or your sister" then his head dropped "and she's not mine at all" he stormed out of the room, then out of the house. It was then he decided to block out all external voices, his own misery was enough for him to deal with.

"Well that was just rude" said Rosalie

"Why did you think she was stupid" asked Carlisle sighing, the last thing that was needed was someone antagonising Edward further

"It wasn't meant to make him annoyed, and you know why, who with any level of intelligence would choose this life?"

"Who wouldn't want to spend eternity with me?" asked Emmett in all seriousness

"I can think of a few people" replied Alice teasingly

"Yeah but they're all freaks" laughed Emmett

"We have to get him to go back to her" said Carlisle

"I thought we were supposed to support his decisions and trust in his judgment" said Jasper

"Yes well that was before he'd get such an attitude about him"

"So how are we going to manage that?" asked Esme

"Oh god he's crying again" sighed Jasper, sensing Edwards's intense depression

"Jeez! How is it possible for someone with no tears to cry so much?" asked Alice

"I guess you've seen everything when you see a vampire cry" said Jasper. At those words, inspiration lit up Emmett's golden eyes.

"You recon he's listening?" asked Emmett, he wanted this to be a surprise

"Nah, he's too busy being a girl" said Rosalie dryly

"Everyone, this plan deserves a group huddle" Emmett beckoned everyone into a circle.

Edwards dry sobs echoed in the woods surrounding their current residence. He had hunted, to try and distract himself; it had failed. He was reminded of when Bella asked if she would ever see him hunt, he said no to keep her safe, a fat load of good all his precautions did him. And now she was probably with that god awful Mike Newton, or what was the other ones name? Tyler. Wondering to herself why she wasted her time on someone who was nothing but a nuisance to her, someone who claimed to love her but had put her in such danger. Well he was proving his love now, too bad she would never see this evidence, because to prove his love he had to pretend it didn't exist. It wasn't fair, why couldn't she have been born in 1901, and they could have married and gone travelling, seen the world when it was still so much smaller and the supernatural was a just a story to scare their children with. Or why couldn't he have been born in 1987, and when she sat next to him in Biology he didn't have to use every ounce of his self control to not rip her throat out, but he would ask her to a movie, and they would laugh at the ridiculous fake teeth all the vampires wore. But the stories were all too real, and his teeth weren't fake and that was the reality of the situation. Edward rose and walked slowly, even for a human, back to the house. As he entered he saw Carlisles cross, and muttered allowed: "thou shalt not kill"

"That's good advice" said Carlisle

"That's why I left, if it wasn't me it would have been one of you, or someone else entirely, but it would have been my fault."

"Edward-" Carlisle was cut off by his son

"All knowing, all loving, and all powerful, right? Well if he loves me so much he's got a funny way of showing it, if he knows how much pain I'm in why doesn't he seem to care, and if he's all powerful then why is it so impossible for me to have what I want?"

"Edward, maybe that's why he made us what we are; so we _can_ have what we want. We may have been human, but without becoming what we are would any of us really be happy? In exchange for some suffering I can have a family like this one, Esme can have her children, Rosalie can be loved, Emmett can... well Emmett's pretty much happy in most situations, but Jasper can live in peace, Alice can shop on a credit card with no limit" Carlisle smiled "and you can have Bella, and Bella can belong somewhere. It's awfully ungrateful to reject a gift like happiness"

"The gifts wrapped real tight and if I try too hard to open it I'll end up breaking it"

"Well Edward, you know as well as I do that that gift can become a whole lot sturdier with a little venom"

"I'm tired of this metaphor" said Emmett, barging in on the father son discussion. "Hey guys!" he called into the next room "come in here a minute I want to tell you something". The rest of the Cullens entered the room and sat.

"Do you know what I have seen in my time ladies and gentlemen?"

"No we do not sweetie, why don't you tell us" said Rosalie, grinning, a look that had not been seen on any of them for several months.

"I've seen a peanut stand, and heard a rubber band, I seen a needle that winked it's eye! But I been done seen about everything when I see a vampire cry"

"You know Emmett" said Alice "I've seen a front porch swing, and heard a diamond ring, I seen a polka dot railroad tyre. But I know I've seen everything when I see a vampire cry" the family nodded in agreement while Alice began happily scatting:

"Da da da da da doo doo daw waw" Jasper then contributed his worldly sights

"I've seen a clothes horse that r'ar and buck-"

"And they tell me that a man made a vegetable truck" added Esme

"I didn't see that, I only heard" commented Carlisle, then added "but just to be sociable I'll take your word"

"I heard a fireside chat!" exclaimed Rosalie

"Well I saw a baseball bat!" recalled Jasper "And I just laughed till I thought I'd die!"

"But we been done seen about everything" the family (excluding Edward) sang in unison "when we see a vampire cry" It was now Emmetts trun to scat.

"But we been done seen about everything

"over a girl" added Emmett

"When we see a vampire cry!" the discussion/song ended with the Cullens (once again excluding Edward) looking pleased with themselves

"May I ask what the point in that was?" asked Edward

"The point was we're sick of your emo like activity" stated Alice

"So either get over it or go back to her" said Rosalie

"I will never just get over it"

"Well then I'll go pack your things" smiled Alice

"And I'm not going back"

"Well that leaves you exactly where you are now and then our performance was a waste of time"

"I'm glad you grasp the pointlessness of your efforts"

"Nothing Emmett Cullen does is a wasted effort" said Emmett with conviction

"Edward this situation isn't working out for anyone"

"Except Bella" said Edward

"Yeah she's just delighted that she was rejected by the person she loved most in the world" said Alice sarcastically

"I did not reject her, I'm protected her" the anger was obvious in Edwards voice. Alice turned to Jasper and enquired:

"Jazz, how is 'I do not love you and I never want to see you again cause I'm bored of you' not a rejection?"

"But I was lying!"

"Well if you love her so much what are you doing moping around with this bunch of losers?" asked Rosalie. Edward was about to reply when Alice cut in "Edward, you are going back to Forks and you are going to tell her the truth and hope to God that she forgives you. You will then negotiate a time for her transformation. You will adhere to that negotiation then you will live happily with her for the rest of your hopefully less angst ridden existence."

"Rosalie, you agree with me don't you, I will not take her life away from her for my own selfishness"

"Edward, from what I've heard, her life left with you" said Rosalie, who had come to realise, finally, that this was not the worst life possible for someone, especially if you had someone for company. And she was just about ready to snap from Edwards annoying self pitying behaviour.

Alice's stone hand rat tat tatted on the door of Charlie Swan, while Emmett held his brother firmly to prevent him fleeing. With jasper waiting in the car just in case. Charlie opened the door and rage passed over his face at the sight of Edward Cullen.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" exclaimed Charlie

"Charlie, I am aware that my brother Edward is an idiot, and of course he will be punished. But he would like to speak to Bella to beg for forgiveness." Said Emmett; very friendly.

"After her first date with him she ran away and ended up falling out of a window, she then went on to completely ignore all of her other friends apart from Edwards family. He then dumped her the day after birthday, left her in the woods where I had to get half the town out to look for her. She's been wandering around for months like a zombie solely due to the fact that he left without so much as a phonecall afterward. And you now want me to allow him anywhere near my daughter?"

"If you don't mind yes." Alice smiled hopefully

"Charlie, may i remind you that Edward is an idiot with serious problems. But can you deny how happy Bella was with him? And really, you'd be doing us a favour. All he's been doing since we left is mope and whine 'Oh Emmett I miss Bella, Oh Alice I'm a monster, Oh Carlisle why does God hate me so? Oh Esme I need a hug!"

"If he was so miserable why did he leave?" asked Charlie skeptically

"Because of his low self esteem he thought he would be doing her a favour because he is stupid" said Alice

"Fine, but I want you to remember I have a gun and I can say it was self defense" Alice hugged Charlie happily then ran up to Bella's room dragging Edward behind her.

"Go get her! You big girl" shouted Emmett

"Edward, if it wouldn't break my hand I could punch you right now" Bella murmered into Edwards neck as she hugged him tight after his explanation.

Meanwhile, in the car. Jasper sighed in relief:

"At last, I am free of Edwards angst"

**Thanks to anyone who read, reviews will be welcomed and given a cup of tea and a biscuit. 'When I see a vampire cry' was inspired by the Disney song 'When I see an elephant fly' from Dumbo.**


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